There are few places I’d rather be on a cool Sunday night than curled up in a blanket, giggling at a 6’4” Harvard graduate as he jests a crowd of 3,000 of the world’s most successful social climbers. The 97th Annual Oscars was… one of the award shows of all time, where high notes were hit, and low blows were shot.
The night opened with a piece equal parts expected and breathtaking, Ariana Grande—who played Galinda the Good Witch in “Wicked”—buttering up the audience’s ears with a rendition of “Somewhere over the Rainbow.” More songs followed from fellow “Wicked” star Cynthia Erivo, with the two of them finishing in an ear-blessing duet of “Defying Gravity.”
Celebrity comedian and Harvard Graduate Conan O’Brien followed with his introduction, frolicking himself and a backup dancing posse about the stage with his own song. In it, he vowed to the audience in the most unpromising way he can that he “won’t waste time!” Three and a half hours later, I found myself inclined to disagree.
The awards themselves felt one part satisfying to two parts rage-baiting. Sean Baker’s “Anora” was the night’s big winner, taking home five Oscars, notably “Best Picture,” a major win for fully independent film studios like “Neon” who produced it. The movie also took home the honor of “Best Actress” for Mikey Madison’s role of “Ani,” a street worker who marries a billionaire. Good movie, great acting. I’m pleased.
The Supporting Actor awards were a bit harder on the eyes: Zoe Saldana took home the honor for best supporting actress as Rita Mora Castro from Jacques Audiard’s “Emilia Pérez,” a confusing movie about a transgender Mexican drug lord who escapes her life of crime with the help of her lawyer, Rita Mora Castro. Saldana beat out Ariana Grande, a coveted fan favorite. Saldana’s role, in my fully humble and fully correct opinion, did not merit this award. She was infinitely more deserving in her role from 2022 in James Cameron’s “Avatar.” What her performance lacked in complexity and nuance it made up for in being vacantly bland, a task most would deem impossible given the movie’s bizarre plot. “Emilia Pérez” erases the line between brainless chicken scratch and performative wokeness, and Saldana’s performance did little to save the movie’s fate. Displeased.
By hour three, I found myself thrust into an immense and debilitating personal discomfort—I was gagged. Dry-heaving on my couch. Popcorn spilled on the floor. Adrian Brody, Hollywood anarchist and menace of the night, subjected MILLIONS to six minutes of unbridled jabberwocky in his “Best Actor” acceptance speech. He reminded the Academy he’s “done this before”—failing to mention that was over 20 years ago in 2002—and requested the music be cut off before he descended into a fully-fledged yap attack. His words cut like a knife. One man down. Two fell asleep. Six minutes of blabber spatter and somehow still nothing said. Displeased.
For lack of a better term, these Oscars seemed lukewarm. We started so strong yet fell off so quickly. Many deserving winners overshadowed by even more undeserving snubs made the night a fist-clenching watch. Here’s to a better 98th!
